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Confidence Tricks!!
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
You know the way we’re all supposed to be so confident these days? Whether it’s that vital job interview, or exam or board meeting – self-confidence is the key to success! Self-improvement gurus have been churning out best-sellers on the topic, since the early decades of the last century. Many of us have heard of (or even read) the Dale Carnegie classic, “How to win Friends and influence People” or Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking”. Then more recently, we had “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, offering us more insights into how to become truly self-confident.
I guess we can all accept that being confident is a good idea. Like, if I have a strong belief in myself and my abilities – then I am likely to be more effective at what I do – and perhaps more importantly – my beliefs should impact on others also. For most of us, Self-Confidence is at the heart of the games we play with others. But of course, it’s easier said than done.....
Why isn't it there, when we need it most?
There are certain situations where confidence is absolutely critical – like that vital meeting with that very important individual, we really need to impress. Trouble is though, that it is in just such a situation that our confidence fades away – to be replaced by self-doubt, anxiety and fear. The irony is, that when we need it most, our self-confidence deserts us! And there seems very little we can actually do about it, at the time. Maybe that’s why those self-improvement best-sellers keep moving off the bookshelves?
A happy illusion
Of course, you could argue that Self-Confidence is really just an illusion. Well maybe it is. But at least it is a more pleasant illusion than its opposite – Low Self-Esteem! I am sure you have met many apparently confident people over the years. Sometimes their confidence is backed up by a track record of actual success, in the real world. But sometimes it’s not! I know I have met many ineffective people over the years, who seem to ooze self-confidence. It’s almost as if they believe their own press releases! But I have to admit that it is at least a positive illusion that they have!
And of course you get the opposite. I remember one man I met years ago. He had a string of higher degrees (including a doctorate) after his name. He also had a very impressive track record. I know that, if I personally had a fraction of his qualifications and experience – I would be unbearable! And yet, this same gentleman had an extremely low level of self-confidence. All of his body language gave off negative vibrations. It was like talking to a “black hole”. He was looking for a job at the time. He always got called to the interview ... but never landed the job.
The "authentic" way
I guess most of us are confident some of the time – but not all of the time. And, when we need to be most confident – that is exactly when we are most insecure. That’s why we need “Confidence” Tricks. These are games we play with ourselves. What we are trying to do, is to fool the world…and even more important…fool ourselves !
Of course the “authentic” way to build my self-confidence is to work hard for years, achieve lots of results and thus build a solid reputation. Eventually, even I get to be impressed. The only trouble is that it can take many years to build my confidence levels that way. So maybe there are faster ways... ?
Status symbols can help
Another approach would be to earn enough money to surround myself with lots of Status Symbols. The primary purpose of Status Symbols, as we know, is “impressing other people”. Yet I suspect, for many of us, the main purpose is to impress ourselves! As I drive along in my top-of-the-range Mercedes, dressed in my Armani suit, glancing occasionally at my Omega watch ... maybe I get to say to myself – “Yeah! looks like I’ve arrived ... I guess I really am somebody at last!”
Act confident - then feel it!
Many salespeople feel extremely nervous, when making a “cold call”. He (or she) is calling on a customer, he has never met before – who probably does not want to talk to him, let alone buy his product. He is also likely to be treated with indifference or rudeness. Who can feel confident in a situation like this? And yet he knows that to be a successful sales executive, he really should be bubbling with confidence!
What many salespeople do, in this sort of situation, is to put on a “confidence” act. If he acts confident for the first 60 seconds of the sales call, that often does the trick. This is all because of the relationship between Attitude and Behaviour. When your attitude changes – so too does your behaviour. Attitude causes Behaviour, if you like. However, the reverse is also true …. Behaviour causes Attitude! To be more accurate, it is more like an equation. This is why, one of the most effective ways to change your attitude – is to change your behaviour first. Put on an act. When the salesperson puts on a confidence act, for the first minute or so of the call, he starts to “fool” the customer. But more importantly....he starts to fool himself!
Visualise success!
Another very useful trick, is Visualisation. Here, you vividly imagine a future event. But in your fantasy, you really lay it on. In this daydream, you are unbelievably confident! In this way, you can often start to fool your Unconscious Mind…. and actually start to feel confident about the future event.
A Permanent Solution!
What I have found however, working with my clients over the years, is that only Hypnosis can provide the permanent "re-wiring" that's needed. Through the creative use of Hypnosis, he/she can access the inner workings of the mind, in relation to self confidence. And then it is possible to literally "re-programme" his/her level of self confidence to a more positive and appropriate level. Once that happens - the appropriate confident behaviour just flows naturally.
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Public Speaking Panic!
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
The very first "executive" job I ever had, was (many moons ago) as a product manager with a large consumer products company in the U.K. I had just finished postgraduate training in Marketing. So I was really looking forward to my very first "hands on" experience.
There were three of us product managers, sharing an office. Each of us was responsible for the marketing of a group of brands. Derek (not his real name) was the most senior and experienced of the three of us. He was very confident and knowledgeable - and certainly helped me a lot, with his background knowledge of the industry.
Shortly after my arrival, I was told that I would need to start preparing for the annual sales conference. This was the annual ritual gathering for the sales force, when they all got drunk together at the company's expense. However, the serious business of the formal conference would take place beforehand. For the three of us product managers - this meant that each of us was expected to give a 30-minute presentation on the marketing plans for our brands. We were also told that our presentations should be "exciting and entertaining" and definitely not "boring"!
This did not phase me, as I had previously worked as a teacher - and I was quite looking forward to putting on my own half-hour "song 'n' dance" act! I set to, preparing my slides and script. Although I must admit, as the big day got nearer, the 30 minutes began to seem longer and longer!
Anyway on the day itself, I think I gave a passable performance. However the real eye-opener was poor Derek. I had never seen someone "die" on stage before! He was nervous. His voice quavered. His hands were shaking. He got the order of his slides mixed up. Pretty soon, the whole audience was squirming with embarrassment. I felt so sorry for him - but there was nothing anyone could do to help him. He was alone up there, and totally overcome by stage fright.
Derek got dumped on
Afterwards, the boss was furious. Derek had "let the whole marketing department down - and made him personally look like a fool!" This, as I soon discovered, was the beginning of the end for poor Derek. From then on, he was systematically picked on, and humiliated - until he found another job, and left. It all seemed so unfair (and stupid) to me, at the time. Here was a perfectly capable executive, who worked hard all year round. Yet his whole career gets blighted, because of a mere 30 minutes "on stage". Yet that is the cruel reality for people working in organisations. If you happen to be a good public speaker - the company thinks you are capable, dynamic and effective. If you’re a lousy speaker - you are incapable and ineffective. Whether you like it or not - other people tend to judge you on the basis of a mere 30 minutes or so, on stage.
50% of Managers have Derek's problem
Since then, as a management trainer and coach, I have met so many managers, who suffer from Derek’s problem. I would go so far as to say that 50% of managers suffer from this form of stage fright. Some of them can just about manage to shuffle and mumble their way through a speech, desperately fumbling with their notes or cue cards. Others use Powerpoint - so they can hide in the dark - keep looking at the screen - and hope nobody will see them ! Others have a sheer panic attack....like Derek.
How Stage Fright kicks in...
When you suffer from this problem, it seems to go as follows....You know (at a conscious, rational level) that you are an expert on your topic. You have prepared all your materials well in advance. You have even practised and rehearsed your presentation. And yet...at the same time, your subconscious mind somehow seems to think that this is a life-threatening experience! So it turns on all the classic symptoms of panic...heart racing...difficult to breathe...mouth goes dry...limbs shaking...sweating profusely...mind going blank...
The terror may be irrational - but it is real!
But you don't have to give a speech, to have a panic attack. For some people, it can even happen at a business meeting. If you’re asked a question...whenever the other people turn to you...you're put on the spot...the centre of attention...the same irrational fear can kick in! The trouble is though - if you say nothing at the board meetings - other people might just think that you have nothing to say anyway!
How do people cope?
If 50% of managers have this problem - how do they cope? Well, for most of them they go to great trouble to arrange their lives, so as to avoid public speaking occasions. This applies equally to business, the golf club, family weddings etc. But avoidance can only get you so far.
One client of mine told me that he had once been asked to be the Best Man at his best friend's wedding. He spent the year beforehand, agonising and dying with fear. When the big day came - he solved his problem, by simply not turning up! His best friend never spoke to him again.
Public Speaking Nerves can be a huge handicap to an otherwise brilliant career. And yet - if you can conquer this fear - and actually start enjoying public speaking – it can give you a huge (and totally unfair) advantage over your competitors in the organisation.
Some people go on public speaking courses, to try to cure the problem. On these courses, you can of course learn some very useful techniques. But unfortunately, these techniques are totally useless - if you’re having a panic attack! Such training courses are fine - for people who do not suffer from stage fright.
It's only a Phobia after all
Stage fright is an irrational fear. It makes no sense to the conscious rational you. But the unconscious you, turns it on anyway...no matter how much you try to "pull yourself together". In other words, it's a phobia. And like all phobias, the most effective way to "re-programme" stage fright, is through some form of hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy deals directly with the Unconscious Mind....where the problem lies.
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Mid-Life Crisis....or Wake-Up Call?
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
George is a senior manager in a large corporation. Until recently, he was also a happily married man, with three talented teenage kids, and a wife with whom he was still very much in love. They had a beautiful home, with all the usual trappings of contented middle class success – including a recently added conservatory. Then one day, it all began to come apart....
His wife of 20 years told him that she had fallen in love…with his best friend! She looked so radiant, as she told him all about it. She wanted to share her happiness….and “knew he would understand”! She readily admitted to him, that the affair had been going on for a number of years.
Numb with shock, George eventually agreed to leave her with the house – so the children could continue to enjoy their individual rooms and PCs – and so their education and neighbourhood friendships would not be disrupted. He sank into deep depression for a number of years.
Now George lives in a small flat in another town. He has finally recovered from his depression. He is trying to rebuild his life (a totally new life) from the debris of his former existence.
Carmel's Story
Carmel’s story is completely different. She rose to the top of her profession, as a business consultant. She knew how to bring new clients into the business – and keep them satisfied! Then one day, she came across a book about spiritual awareness, which she started to skim through. Then something in the book, caught her attention. She read it from cover to cover. This, for Carmel, was the turning point. She read more books – eventually developing an interest in alternative medicine. She now works as a healer with a flourishing practice.
And yet another Story...
For Bill, the change was triggered by one disaster after the other. He was a successful entrepreneur, riding the crest of the wave. Then, within the space of twelve months – his business want bankrupt – his wife left him – his father died – he lost his home – he developed cancer. Yet now, years later, he can talk about his “Wake-Up Call”. He somehow learned so much about life, and about himself, from his tragedy. Bill says he feels richer now – even though he has lost everything. His life and profession and sense of purpose have changed completely.
So, what's going on here?
In my own practice as an executive coach / therapist, I frequently meet people like George, Carmel and Bill. (Those are not their real names, of course – and the circumstances described are slightly altered, to respect their privacy). So many people I meet, seem to change direction in their lives, usually in their middle years. And it is usually after a “wake-up call” of some kind. But this wake-up call is not always some kind of unpleasant shock. Just as often, the wake-up call is a new pleasant event or development in their lives – as was the case with Carmel.
How it happens...
In her case, it was a book she read – almost by chance. But for other people, it can be a chance encounter with another individual, who somehow stops them in their tracks…and makes them think. Attending a training course, can be the catalyst for others. Just going through a particular personal growth experience, can mark the change for some people. But whatever happens – life is never quite the same again.
Maybe two lives are better than one?
Of course, when you think about it, most of us do live longer these days. Our modern life-span (three score and ten +) is twice as long as the life-span of our ancestors in previous centuries. We have the time to pack two totally different lives into one life-span! Well, that is how it seems to some people anyway.
It is almost as if, having done the first bit – getting an education, getting a job, working hard, raising a family, putting the kids through college – the time comes along, for the second phase of a life. Very often the first stage is necessary...in order to fund the second stage! This second stage may well involve some dramatic lifestyle differences.
So what about you?
As you are reading this article, dear reader ... I imagine that you are perhaps in your own middle years ... or in the middle of some mid-life change experience of your own? So how are things going for you? I hope that this article helps you in some small way. At least you can now know that you are not the only one. At the same time, each of us walks the path of life in a different way. And of course, each of us is on his/her own individual journey. Each of us is alone – yet not quite alone, because others share the journey with us.
One thing I have noticed with my clients – the second stage is almost always better than the first stage of their lives. Even though the transition phase can sometimes (but not always) be painful – the second stage is usually a lot better in all sorts of ways. These improvements seem to operate mainly at the upper end of the “Maslow Hierarchy”, in terms of self fulfilment. But the improvement is also noticeable at a more fundamental level... People are simply a lot happier in stage two!
So has it happened yet for you? Or are you perhaps in the middle of your own transition? If so – embrace it! That light you see at the end of the tunnel, is not the oncoming train!
Copyright - Larry McMahon. All rights reserved - but feel free to copy this article, post it, quote it, think about it and forward it on to others. The only requirement is including the following footer with it...
Article by LarryMcMahon. Visit www.larrymcmahon.com for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included.
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What turns you on?
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
Top achievers in the business world, are often referred to as “driven”, “highly-motivated” or “focused”. But focused on what? Motivated by what? What is it that keeps you working those long hours? How can an 80-hour week be more appealing than a relaxing week-end or a family holiday?
Motivation is a funny business. It seems that we are all driven by various needs or hungers. But for most of us, there tends to be one dominant motivator, which keeps us going most of the time. Some of us are hooked on Achievement. For others it’s Status or Power. And of course we’re all interested in Money, aren’t we?
No - it's not the money - Stupid!
Psychologists tell us however, that Money is rarely the number one motivator for business executives….even though some business leaders seem quite obsessed by it. And indeed some lucky individuals have made rather obscene amounts of it in recent years! Of course money is essential for all of us. But for most of us apparently, it is our number two motivator. If money is your “number one” however, you are probably a bit like Scrooge. You keep your money under the mattress….and you take it out and count it every night, before you go to sleep. But you never spend it!
The thing about money nevertheless, is that is real. You can see it. You can actually count it. You can smell it. You can even fondle it! Whereas items like status or achievement can sometimes seem a bit abstract or nebulous. What seems to happen for most of us, is that we use money (as our number two motivator) to either measure what we’re really after, or to buy it. Thus the high achiever uses money to measure his results. But it’s the results (achievement) that he is really after. And the money he makes, literally tells him how well, or how badly he is achieving his goals. And of course, if you’re into status, you can use money to buy the trappings of prestige. Or, if the tax-man doesn’t mind, you can even tell the world how much you’re worth!
They say that self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom. So do you actually know what your own personal turn-on might be? Where do you itch? What is the inner hunger or drive that keeps you going? Here are some clues .....
Are you on a power trip?
If Power is your thing, then you get your kicks by controlling “those people” down there. You like being “in charge”. You are the boss. You tend to talk tough about things like “dominating the industry” or “getting on top” of problems. You are very interested in the Pecking Order…and where you fit into it. It’s important for you to know whose rear end you can kick ... and who can kick yours! Because for you, that is what life is all about, after all. You may sometimes appear dictatorial to your underlings. On the other hand, you are not averse to a bit of obsequiousness to your “lords and masters” when necessary.
But don’t worry, you’re in good company. We’re told that most politicians are hooked on Power, as are teachers, middle managers in large corporations and clergymen. Bishops after all do sit on thrones, and they have rings for kissing. Of course they also save a few souls! Now here’s your easy-quiz question. Which of the following individuals has Power as the dominant motivator? a) Saddam Hussein or ... b) Margaret Thatcher or ... c) Charlie Haughey?
Or is Achievement your thing?
If on the other hand, you’re hooked on Achievement, then you are extremely goal-oriented, verging on obsession. You’re the sort of person who finds it impossible to just go for a walk. You always have to be going “somewhere”. You like to set yourself achievable goals….and you thrive on feedback. You love to know how well, or how badly, you’re doing. In fact as you are reading this article, you are almost certainly an entrepreneur, or self-made business-person. But beware! Even though you make a lot of money, your kids are going to spend it for you. But then they are on a different motivation trip! Easy-quiz question: Is Achievement the dominant motivator of Michael Smurfit? ... a) Yes ... or b) No.
What about Status?
What about Status or Prestige or Success? They are all synonyms. If status is your thing, then it’s all about how important you are seen to be by others. In other words, for you there has always got to be an audience. There is no point in being a success, unless the whole world knows about it. You also are in good company. People like university professors, doctors, salespeople and rock stars all pursue prestige just as eagerly as you! Now here’s the easy-quiz question: Which of the following people has status as the dominant motivator? a) Bono or b) Tony O’Reilly?
So...why are you this way?
It can be interesting to speculate why you are motivated the way you are. Is it Nature or Nurture? Psychologists continue to fire learned papers at each other over this one. But the current consensus seems to be that most of your personality traits are genetically determined. However, that part of your personality which we call Motivation, is mainly determined by your early upbringing. In other words, thanks to our well-meaning parents, most of us end up pursuing what they unwittingly deprived us of…and/or what they rewarded us for as children.
Now here is an interesting twist. For many highly-motivated achievers, their obsessive drive is underpinned by deprivation! That is why they continue to keep trying so hard ... right up to the end. You see, no matter how much they succeed, they can never be satisfied. Satisfaction keeps receding like a mirage over the far horizon. They can never really be content or happy. This can perhaps be a consolation to the rest of us. So if you’re not so highly motivated – maybe you’re happier in yourself!
Copyright - Larry McMahon. All rights reserved - but feel free to copy this article, post it, quote it, think about it and forward it on to others. The only requirement is including the following footer with it...
Article by LarryMcMahon. Visit www.larrymcmahon.com for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included.
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When Panic attacks!
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
Fear has to be the most primal feeling of all. We are born with it. It is after all, part of the “Fight or Flight” response to stress. This is one emotion we share with our cousins in the animal kingdom. When the hare takes flight – when the bluebottle evades the fly-swat – they too feel fear. But crank fear up a bit, and you get sheer PANIC. When panic attacks, neither fight nor flight are possible. Panic paralyses – the hare is caught in the headlamps!
In my practice, as a hypnotherapist, I meet many people who suffer from Panic Attacks. It is indeed a very common condition. And the official medical community unfortunately, has no real “cure” to offer, as such. Instead, patients are offered drugs to mask the symptoms. With some sufferers, the panic attacks seem to follow a pattern. For other sufferers, the attacks seem to be totally random.
So how does it happen?
Take Sean, for example (a recent client of mine – name disguised). He went through a really stressful period in his work situation, some years back. Ever since, he has suffered from panic attacks – but only when he travels abroad on business.
Sally’s case was different. After a miserable and scary childhood, she developed Depression. Her depression took the form of chronic anxiety. She spent her days and nights in a constant state of anxiety and fear. Then every so often (for no apparent reason) the fear would increase – and develop into a full-blown panic attack.
Paul spent years travelling around the world. He had lots of adventures – and enjoyed it all thoroughly. Then, when living in France, he had a relationship which went seriously wrong. Afterwards, he felt devastated. He thought he would get over it. But he never did. Now he lives in a country town in Ireland. He keeps to himself – doesn’t go out socialising much. And whenever he tries to drive more than two miles out of the town…he gets a panic attack. So this man, who once enjoyed the freedom of travelling around the world, is now effectively trapped in this small town.
For Patricia, it all started many years ago in infancy. After she was born, there were severe medical complications. She spent the first six months of her life in hospital. She needed constant treatment and observation. Fortunately, the skilled medical team were able to save her life. But ... how does an infant “make sense” of such an early experience ? The absence of the mother – the extreme physical pain and discomfort were all recorded in her subconscious mind, before the age of reason. But, even more damaging to her later, the sheer panic of that experience still recurred in her adult years. It had not gone away.
Triggers
Panic attacks are a horrible reality for virtually everyone who suffers from a Phobia of any sort. So, whether it’s spiders, rats or dogs – a panic attack can be triggered by a simple incident. But what I find is that the most common phobia of all, is Social Phobia. Very many people who suffer from panic attacks, also have some form of Social phobia. This is why so many of them avoid social interactions. They don’t go to weddings or funerals. They don’t go to pubs or church. They know that when they are in company (especially with lots of people, and the possibility of becoming the centre of attention) – that is when they are most likely to get an attack.
Another common trigger for panic attacks, is travel – especially travelling away from home, or abroad. For many people, being away from the home base (or comfort zone) inevitably causes an attack.
Is Panic in your genes ... or is it learned?
So can one generalise about panic attacks? Can you genetically inherit panic attacks? Or are they a “learned” response – a learned way of coping with traumatic experience from the past? Well here is what I have learned from the clients I have worked with over the years ...
Many people are born with an unfortunate genetic tendency towards Depression. This inevitably means that they are more shy and sensitive than others. It also means that they are more likely to “learn” subconsciously the automatic response of a Panic Attack – when under extreme pressure or stress. This learning often takes place in early childhood. But it can happen later in life as well. This learning then gets “stuck”.
But it can also happen, even if there is no depressive genetic tendency. If you happen to go through an extremely stressful period, at any stage in your life, the same sort of unconscious Panic Attack response can start to kick in.
And the good news?
The good news however, is that if Panic Attacks are a learned response from the past, they can be “unlearned” for the future!
This, I find, is the most effective approach, when helping someone to heal from this condition. In Hypnotherapy, the best starting point, is to assume that the actual panic attack response itself, has a positive intention of some kind. The positive intention is usually to “protect” or “warn” or “teach” the individual. It is a very basic (almost primitive) purpose – but very powerful nonetheless. And this response was often learned many years ago, by the mind of an infant. So of course, adult logic has no part to play in its functioning.
In a trance state, it is possible to “re-programme” this primitive response. But it can only be done, by first of all respecting the part of the Unconscious which turns it on. The therapist needs to acknowledge the part which turns on the Panic Attacks – and that it does have a positive intention (e.g. protecting the individual). This is necessary, before ultimately persuading the Panic part to switch off!
The whole procedure is of course more complicated in practice - and can take many hours. But it is always a great joy to any therapist – to see how the client’s face can light up, as he / she loses the fear ... and starts to realise that the panic attacks are gone for good.
Copyright - Larry McMahon. All rights reserved - but feel free to copy this article, post it, quote it, think about it and forward it on to others. The only requirement is including the following footer with it...
Article by LarryMcMahon. Visit www.larrymcmahon.com for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included.
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The trouble with Golfers.
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
“I’m sure you think that all this is quite trivial!” A golfer recently made this point to me. He had journeyed all the way down to South Kerry (where I live) – for a consultation, just to improve his golf swing! I said “No! – anything that’s important to you, is important to me. You are the client, after all”.
It is true, that many of my clients have serious business performance issues in mind, or suffer from a stress-related ailment of some kind. But everyone is different. And yes – for some people, Golf is what life is all about. So why should this particular sport take such a hold of people…and especially in middle age?
I am not a golfer myself. But I think ….. I can begin to understand how the sport itself, can be a metaphor for life itself.
Of course, one of the best ways to become a good golfer, is to start young! It’s a bit like learning music. Unless you start young – you can never really make the big time. The sheer complexity and skills of golf, are extremely difficult to learn, as an adult. It really is a bit like trying to learn to play the piano in middle age. So virtually all top professional golfers, learned to play as kids.
You get the bug in middle age.
But it’s the other golfers who fascinate me – the ones who discover it, in their middle years. These are the majority of golfers. More often than not, the new golfer is into sports anyway. He or she used to excel in another sport in their youth. But the middle-aged executive can no longer hack it on the Rugby field. There is a real gap in his life, and a reminder of old age to come.
Then along comes Golf! You don’t have to be young, to play it. Many club members seem to be in the same sort of age category. It is tricky to learn…..all those practice sessions on the driving range! And it is extremely expensive to get kitted out for the sport. Then of course there is the problem of managing to actually get accepted to join a golf club, and then having to pay the rip-off membership fee! Despite all of these hurdles (both physical and financial) the neophyte golfer forges ahead. So what is the appeal ?
The social setting.
Well there is the actual golf club itself – with all its complex social organisation and rituals. It is a sort of “mini-society” in itself. Status is the name of the game – with all sorts of perks, such as the Lady Captain’s reserved parking place. And of course, the club itself is “exclusive” in nature. Hence many golf clubs still practice some bizarre unwritten rules. These customs may even exclude unwanted minority groups, such as Jews, mere business people (as opposed to professional people), negroes and even women!
The social committee structures within the club, are all part of the experience. As a golfer friend said to me recently – “It combines the camaraderie of the Boy Scouts with the rituals and mystique of Freemasonry”.
It is a society, where you are under constant observation. There are so many little rules and rituals. If you follow and observe these, you are O.K. And if you don’t……. But then, I guess we are all social animals anyway.
The all-important Handicap!
The key badge of social status is of course…the Handicap. This is the critical measure. You have to earn it. You have to defend it. This determines your standing in this mini-community. And everybody knows about it too! The beginner finds initially, that he is actually getting his handicap down. So he gets really excited – only to realise that there is only so far he can get. He becomes obsessed about it.
When you play Golf – you are out there, competing as an individual, totally exposed. You can no longer hide behind the relative anonymity of being a member of a team. Everybody knows how good (or bad) you are! And another twist – you are constantly competing with yourself, as well!
Golf is the name of the game.
For many people, Golf is what life is all about. Doing your job, or running your business or profession, is merely a means to fund the most important activity of all – playing Golf!
When running my management development programmes, I spend a lot of time, helping executives to develop their abilities to perform at the peak. I often ask managers to recall an experience from their past – when they were really operating at 100% - “in the zone”. All too often, these business leaders select a golfing triumph. Isn’t it interesting, that their peak performance does not happen in the cut & thrust world of business. It happens instead – hitting a wee white ball around the green!
The ultimate "mental" game
Of course, the other weird aspect of Golf is, that no matter how good you get, you can always blow it. Even top professionals sometimes “lose it” – and just disappear off the scene, sometimes permanently. Golf is the ultimate “mind over matter” game. And the more you analyse your “swing” or your “slice”, the worse you can get!
Even top professionals use all sorts of auto-suggestion, visualisation or self-hypnosis tricks to keep themselves going. Many of them use “lucky charms” or have their own special behaviour routines. Once they keep to these routines, they “know” they can win. If they deviate in any way – they “know” they will probably lose !
The fear of failure
If you are afraid of losing – then you start imagining failure. And imagination is one of the “gateways” into the subconscious mind. Failure becomes a sort of “self-hypnosis” or “auto-suggestion”. And it can be extremely difficult to conquer this fear.
With some of my clients, the problems begin to develop as follows…. As the golfer gets older, he/she has more time to play – especially in retirement. Now at last, the golfer can really concentrate on his/her golf. Golf finally becomes the mainstream activity in life. But ironically (because golf is now so all-important) anxieties about performance can actually increase!
Golf has to be the ultimate “mental” sport. Mental attitude is so important. No matter how experienced and successful you are at the game – your mental attitude can still trip you up! I guess this is why so many of them resort to sports psychologists (or even hypnotists like myself!) – to help them get their mental act together.
Have you got "The Yips" ?
Some golfers eventually develop a condition, known as “the yips”. The term “the yips” was thought to have been used first by Tommy Armour — a golf champion, later golf teacher — to explain the difficulties that led him to abandon tournament play. In describing the yips, golfers have used terms such as twitches, staggers, jitters and jerks. What can happen, is that the muscles go into spasm. So, for example, instead of putting that last shot gently into the hole – the whole body freezes –and a jerky clumsy shot sends the ball all over the place. Another form of “yips” occurs when swinging. On the backswing, the whole body freezes – so the rest of the forward swing just never happens!
Who gets “the yips”? Researchers at the Mayo Clinic found that 33 percent to 48 percent of all serious golfers have experienced the yips. Golfers who have played for more than 25 years appear to be most prone to the condition.
Although the exact cause of the yips has yet to be determined, one possibility is that, in some golfers, the condition may result from biochemical changes in the brain that accompany aging. Excessive use of the involved muscles and intense demands of coordination and concentration may make the problem worse.
Performance Anxiety
But the real key to the problem is “Performance Anxiety”. When the public speaker loses his voice … when the pianist’s fingers go into spasm … it’s essentially the same sort of phenomenon. It’s almost as if the subconscious mind is trying to sabotage the actual performance itself!
Golfers who have experienced the yips report that the problem occurs occasionally during practice, often during serious play and most frequently in tournaments, suggesting that the greater the pressure, the more likely they are to experience the yips.
All of the evidence suggests that this problem is more mental than physical. So what helps is, any technique which helps the golfer to develop and maintain a positive mental attitude to the game. And the most effective technique of all, is Hypnosis.
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How Babies learn.
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
Child psychologists tell us that, we learn faster as children, than as adults. Our rate of learning is at its highest in infancy. It slows down, as we get older. But how exactly do babies learn? Unfortunately they themselves cannot tell us. So we must infer that they are like sponges – absorbing incredible amounts of data. And this is before they have even developed basic powers of reasoning. Young children can apparently learn up to seven different languages, as easily as they learn one. In other words – given a Russian granny and a Chinese father and an Irish mother – the infant will automatically learn to speak to each relative in his/her own language…..without even realising that he is using different languages! Many of us, as adults, have had the experience of trying to learn a foreign language, later in life. It is so difficult, most of us just give up. Or even if we do manage to master it, we never achieve the accent and fluency of the native speaker.
Kids are really adaptable
Young children are incredibly adaptable. They have to be - to survive! They seem to accept their family and home situation as “normal”. From what I can remember of my own childhood, it was happy at home. But then, at the age of five, I started going to school – and entered a nightmare world of daily beatings and terror. Both “worlds” were totally different from each other. Yet to me (and most kids at the time) things somehow seemed normal. And we adapted accordingly.
Imagine two completely different childhoods. In the first childhood, we have a dysfunctional family. The father is a violent and unpredictable drunk. The mother is a prostitute. As a child, in such a situation, I rapidly learn that life is dangerous, unpredictable and terrifying. And that is the model of the world, which I take unconsciously with me into my adult life. Because kids are smart – I learn fast. However, as an adult, I will have a very low tolerance for stress – and may also suffer from chronic anxiety or depression.
In the second childhood, we have a secure, happy and predictable family situation. The children are loved unconditionally. There is not too much “change” (kids hate change!). As a child, I learn that there is little to be afraid of – each day is an opportunity to have more fun. So that’s what I learn. That is now my unconscious model of the world. As an adult, I am confident and secure in myself. I am naturally happy and look on the bright side of life.
How childhood determines our motivation in life
The foundation layer for adult motivation, also gets laid down in childhood. Many readers will recognise this in themselves. As adults – most of us end up pursuing whatever our well-meaning parents rewarded us for pursuing as children. Or else – we may end up pursuing whatever our well-meaning parents deprived us of. I am talking here about “motivators” like Status, Achievement, Power or Social Acceptance. Some of the most highly-motivated people I have met over the years, would fall into this latter category. They realise in later life, that all their powerful drive and motivation, was underpinned by childhood deprivation. And this is what made their drive so insatiable and obsessive. Even though they have achieved so much…they can never switch off!
How a child makes sense of the world
Not only are we learning faster, as kids. Our feelings are more intense as well – the good ones and the bad ones. So who knows how a young child makes sense of the world? Let me tell you about a client of mine, who suffered from Panic Attacks. She is a middle-aged lady. Her panic attacks seemed to happen at random, without any recognisable pattern. Her condition was so bad, she hardly ever left her house. In her case, we happened to find out how it all started………
Her chronic condition was triggered by just one incident as a baby. Someone foolishly gave her a boiled sweet to suck. The baby started to choke on the sweet. Luckily, her father happened to spot the baby going blue in the face. He jumped into action – grabbed the baby – turned her upside down – held her as firmly as he could – kept shaking her violently – until the sweet fell out….and saved her life. But what the poor baby “learned” was – “You never know when you’re going to be attacked by someone close to you – and choke to death!”
“Cause and Effect” were not yet in the baby’s intellectual wiring. So she spent the rest of her life, with a nameless fear in the back of her mind. Her panic attacks made sense – once you understand how she “learned” from that one experience, all those years ago. Kids are smart. But they don’t always learn like adults do.
But of course, childhood is not just a series of scary incidents. For most of us, there were lots of happy occasions as well! As children, we learn to laugh – and we learn to cry.
Childhood - where the happy times are
In my work as a hypnotherapist, I meet many people who suffer from Depression. They are deeply unhappy. So, in a way, what they need is more happiness in their lives. Happiness is the best (and most natural) cure for Depression. What I do with them, in trance, is to regress them to the happiest moment in their childhood. But I leave it to the client’s Unconscious Mind to find the very best moment. Very often, the client experiences a moment of absolute joy – which had been completely forgotten. This enables the client to reactivate the “circuitry” of happiness, within him/herself. This happiness then becomes the actual cure for the Depression.
When clients tell me where they have been, afterwards – I am always amazed at what they tell me. They are invariably simple moments of pure childhood joy….sitting on Daddy’s shoulders, at the football match…...playing in Granny’s garden (always a magical place)..…snuggling up to Mammy, as she combs her hair and sings….a family picnic at the seaside…..
I often think, that the best thing we can do for kids (as parents or grandparents) is to somehow make sure that they have as many of these happy moments as possible, in their younger years. These “happy moments” become like an inner store – which they can draw on, for the rest of their lives.
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The Celtic Tiger never happened!
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
How things have changed for us here in Ireland, over the last twenty years! No longer are we an economically backward little island on the fringe of Europe – with people as our main export. Many of us are still a bit bewildered by all the changes. We are told that we are now one of the richest countries in the world! And immigrants are clamouring to join us in our new-found wealth. We even have a modern motorway network these days – complete with traffic jams! And our very own new-rich capitalists are buying up properties all over Europe.
The dramatic change even had its cultural markers. Riverdance exploded onto the world’s stages – announcing our arrival. And of course, let’s not forget all those Irish Pubs sprouting up in every major city around the world. After all those centuries of national inferiority complex – it is nice to know we have at last “arrived” and can feel proud to be Irish. The “Celtic Tiger” caught us by surprise.
But are we really "Celtic" at all?
But wait a minute! “Celtic Tiger” may be a misnomer. How do we even know that we are Celtic in the first place? The Celts first appeared in the writings of ancient Greece and Rome. They referred to the Keltoi – a race of warlike barbarians in central Europe. They were apparently overrun by the legions of Rome, and faded into the background.
British historians in the 19th century, assumed that the Irish, Scots and Welsh were the last remnants of this Celtic race, which had once been throughout Europe. After all, they spoke these strange languages. However, it is worth bearing in mind, that there is actually very little evidence to support this assumption. In fact, there is every reason to believe that the Celts never got as far as Ireland!
We do know from archaeological evidence however, that this island was populated from about 10,000 years ago. This was long before the Celts were ever heard of – and probably long before the rest of Northern Europe was occupied by people.
So where did we come from then?
Bob Quinn wrote a fascinating book (The Atlantean Irish) some years ago. He highlighted all the evidence pointing to another possibility. His evidence indicated that we arrived here from Morocco – via Northern Spain and Brittany – by sea. This migration would have taken place slowly over the centuries. He points out that travel by sea, would actually have been a lot easier than overland travel – even in those days. He mentions uncanny cultural connections ... Sean Nos singing and Moroccan chanting ...The Book of Kells and Coptic manuscripts ... Galway Hookers and Egyptian Dhows ... Desert hermits in North Africa and the monks on the Skelligs ... Gaelic and Arabic language structures (in both languages, the verb is at the start of the sentence). He claims that there must have been continuous maritime links over the millenia, between Ireland and North Africa.
Here are a few interesting linguistic traces. The Irish have always referred to themselves as "na Gaeil". Galicia is a province in Northern Spain. The Romans referred to the inhabitants of France, as "Galli". Indeed, in medieval Latin, "Gallus" always meant "an Irishman". And of course, in modern French, "Pays de Gall" means Wales !
DNA could provide the answer
At the time Quinn wrote his book, there was not a lot of DNA evidence around. In fact, he mentioned that he was looking forward to eventual DNA evidence, to back up his thesis. Well, that is now starting to happen. By taking DNA samples from large numbers of people around the world, it is now becoming possible to trace one’s ancestry back over thousands of years. Apparently certain DNA markers can be tracked back over the millennia!
One genetic research laboratory in Oxford, has identified six females back in the distant past – from whom virtually all modern Europeans are descended. Some years ago, my brother Pat sent a DNA sample to them. He expected that it would show that he was descended from the “Celtic” ancestress. But no. To his surprise, he was informed that he was descended from someone (they gave her the made-up name of “Velda”) – a lady in Northern Spain who lived 16,000 years ago!
Last year, National Geographic launched a similar world-wide study. I sent a DNA sample to them. The results that came back, indicated that my own genetic trail also ended up in Northern Spain!
Daniel Bradley of Trinity College recently published an article in “Nature” – “Y-Chromosome Variation and Irish Origins”. This again highlights that the Irish are mainly descended from a Neolithic (Stone Age) race. And our nearest genetic neighbours are….wait for it!…….in Northern Spain!
Where the Irish really came from!
So here is the picture that seems to be emerging about our common ancestry……..
Back at the end of the Ice Age, as the ice-cap melted across Northern Europe, stone age hunter gatherers migrated from east to west along the southern edge of the ice cap. Northern Spain was the end of the trail. However, thanks to The Gulf Stream, the ice cap was melting faster all along the Atlantic seaboard. So they travelled northward by sea, settling in Brittany…and eventually in Ireland…subsequently spreading from here to Britain and perhaps also to Norway. Don’t forget that Newgrange is 1,000 years older that Stonehenge! It’s even 600 years older than the Giza Pyramids!
Since those early arrivals on our shores, the Irish population was racially the same, for many thousands of years. And the more recent Viking, Norman and British arrivals were absorbed into the dominant native gene pool.
"Celtic" how are ye!
So it seems, whoever we are, we are not Celtic after all. But let’s not make too much noise about it! Think of all those Celtic music festivals and folklore gatherings…how would they survive without that vital Celtic label? Even the poor “Tiger” would have to lose his Celtic tag.
But in the meantime, let’s salute those intrepid stone age seafarers who arrived on our shores about 10,000 years ago! They would be pleased to know how far we have progressed since.
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Compulsive Obsessions.
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
In Shakespeare’s play, MacBeth, there is a famous scene. One night, after her husband has murdered King Duncan, Lady MacBeth is observed sleepwalking ….
Doctor
“What is it she does now? Look, how she rubs her hands”.
Gentlewoman
“It is an accustomed action with her, to seem thus washing her hands. I have known her continue in this a quarter of an hour”.
But no – Lady MacBeth was not suffering from O.C.D. She was, after all, asleep. With OCD the sufferer is painfully awake.
A strong need to wash one’s hands continuously – or to preserve a germ-free environment, by non-stop washing, scrubbing and cleaning. Such are the compulsive obsessions of people suffering from O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Psychologists refer to O.C.D. as an “Anxiety Disorder”. These compulsive behaviours and rituals, can include checking & double-checking, non-stop praying, extreme hoarding, locking & unlocking doors etc. It becomes really serious, when these obsessive compulsions start to take over your life!
A big mistake
When you go to your doctor about anything, he usually treats the ailment “as it presents”. All too often, this is what happens with OCD. Psychologists and psychiatrists treat the OCD bundle of attitudes & behaviours, as a disease. The reality for the patient is often quite different. For the patient, the behaviour routines are actually a solution for the underlying problem. And the underlying problem is usually Fear in one form or another.
Typically, the patient is really suffering from Depression (in the form of chronic anxiety or fear). And the compulsive behaviours actually give temporary relief from the suffering. So the real disease is Fear. And the patient’s solution is the compulsive behaviour pattern.
Most of of my own OCD clients, when asked, tells me that their routines give them relief or even a form of pleasure. And this is why they are so attached to them. This is why OCD patients resist the well-meant efforts of their physicians. After all, if you suffer from chronic anxiety … and the only “medication” which works is hand-washing …. Then of course you become obsessively attached to your own “cure”!
And yet, at the same time, the patient knows that his/her behaviour pattern is totally irrational. But they feel compelled to continue this way – and compelled to resist efforts to “help” them to stop.
And not just OCD
There are other mental conditions which show a similar pattern – depression being alleviated by irrational behaviours. With Anorexia, Bulimia or Scruples, the sufferer is tormented by Depression – and yet finds some relief in self-starvation, vomiting or praying.
It can be compared to a form of addiction. Many addicts are in fact depressed. So the heroin addict (or compulsive gambler) doesn’t want advice or medication. He just needs another “fix”. That’s his “cure”. That’s why he cannot or will not stop.
What about C.B.T.?
“Cognitive Behaviour Therapy” (C.B.T. for short) is recommended by many doctors. It is based on the idea that Attitudes influence Behaviour. But that the reverse is also true – Behaviour influences Attitudes. It is in fact a 2-way dynamic. And thus, that by getting people to change their behaviours, this in turn, can cause attitudes to shift.
So the OCD patient is given a series of special behaviour drills to practise. The hope is, that over time, these behaviours will cause the OCD mind-set to change.
The underlying psychology here is sound enough. But unfortunately this C.B.T approach usually fails. The patient’s obsessive compulsion is just far too strong. It is almost as if the patient’s whole being simply resists the proposed cure.
The one big exception!
Occasionally the actual obsessive compulsive behaviour is actually self-destructive (e.g. suicidal). Or else the compulsion is to attack (or even kill) others. Or some people can suffer from Intrusive Thoughts OCD - where the sufferer is tormented by negative thought patterns, which just won't switch off.
In such cases, there is no "pay-off" for the sufferer. The compulsion itself, is the disease. Only in these cases, the OCD should be treated and healed as a form of Depression.
So what can be done?
Well here is what I have found in my own practice….
Firstly the underlying cause must be dealt with. So through Hypnotherapy, my client starts to heal from his/her Depression. He/she learns to start enjoying life again. Once the Depression disappears, then the OCD has nothing to feed off.
Once the actual need for the obsessive behaviour is gone, it then becomes relatively straightforward to “re-programme” the brain (again through Hypnotherapy) – so that the obsessive behaviour pattern literally fades away. It is simply no longer needed.
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"I just can't sleep"
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
For most people living in the South, like myself, Northern Ireland and its “Troubles” seemed like a distant planet. The horrors and brutal murders were something we saw on television – a bit like Iraq nowadays. They did not touch me directly. This was true, until one day I got a call from Belfast. A business associate of mine had a friend there who needed my help. This friend (let’s call him Peter, to preserve his anonymity) was unable to come south, because of his injuries. So I headed north.
Eight years prior to my meeting him, Peter was injured in a horrific incident. At that time, he and his wife had bought a house in a pleasant suburb of Belfast. However, the estate agent who sold them the house, omitted to tell them that the previous owner was a member of the security forces. It turned out that this individual and his home were targeted by the IRA.
Peter normally took the bus to work every morning. But this particular morning, he was late. His wife had a car. And as she was pregnant at the time, and not using her car, he asked if he could borrow it. She threw him the keys. He headed down the garden path to the car, which was parked outside the front gate. He hopped into the car – turned the ignition – then everything went blank.
The full horror
The car was booby-trapped. There was a horrific explosion there in that quiet leafy suburb. One of Peter’s legs was very badly mutilated – the other one was totally wrenched from its socket and splattered all over the inside of the car. The Royal Victoria Hospital staff are particularly skilled in dealing with incidents like this. Miraculously they managed to save Peter’s life and restore the one leg he had left to him. His surgical treatment and psychological rehabilitation took many months. They fitted him with an artificial leg, to replace the missing one. Ever since, Peter had been in constant pain. That’s right – eight years of continuous, constant pain!
When we met
In a way, I was dreading the meeting beforehand. I mean, what can you say to a man who has been in constant pain for eight years? However I was pleasantly surprised when I met Peter and his wife in their delightful home (a different home now from the targeted one of eight years ago). Peter was a very cheerful pleasant person to meet.
When I started my session with him, I had to say right out that he didn’t at all seem like someone in constant pain. Then he explained ....
Yes, he was in constant pain. But he had realised that there was no point in bothering other people with it. So he had developed his own special technique for disguising it from others. The pain came in waves. But, as he said to me, if he knew when a particular wave might hit, he could be ready for it. But alas, the waves were totally unpredictable. Sometimes there would be a couple of seconds between waves – sometimes a number of minutes. He told me that, if I observed him very carefully, I would notice a sort of shudder going through his body every so often. And sure enough, once he had pointed this out to me, I could observe these shudders. These intense waves of pain emanated from the mangled remains of where his missing leg had been attached to his body.
Peter told me had already sorted out all the psychological “Why me?” issues. Peter had no political affiliations. Ironically he happens to be a Catholic. The bomb-planters were the IRA, those supposed defenders of Northern Catholics. “P.O’Neill” would doubtless refer to Peter as an “unfortunate casualty of the great nationalist struggle for independence”.
Insomnia
I was wondering how best to tackle Peter’s case, when he announced – “It’s not the pain that bothers me. It’s just that I can’t sleep anymore!” As he explained to me – “You can put up with anything, even constant pain, if you can get a good night’s sleep!”
Up to then, I had just not realised how critical Sleep is to our health and welfare. Sleep is one of those things we all take for granted – until it gets taken away!
The Stress connection
When people are under stress, Sleep is one of the first functions that go on the blink. When you are stressed out, your Unconscious Mind thinks your life is in danger. You lie there in bed, wide awake – with all those stressful thoughts running through your mind. You just can’t afford to fall asleep. It’s too dangerous. Back on the African Savannah many thousands of years ago, that’s when the wild animals could get you! Yes, we are still wired up the same way!
Sleep Deprivation
“Sleep Deprivation” is one of the most vicious forms of torture. From Long Kesh to Guantanamo, the evil practitioners of this practice know how effective it can be in breaking prisoners down.
Shakespeare once referred to “Sleep, that knits up the ravelled sleeve of care”. All healing, both physical and mental, happens mainly when you are asleep. So, if one of the symptoms of a particular illness is Insomnia, it becomes extremely difficult to heal. If you can’t sleep, you can’t heal.
How Peter manages
Peter still goes to work every day, despite his disability. I recently met one of his colleagues. He told me that Peter is like a ray of sunshine in the office. He is the sort of guy who goes around asking other people about their problems, offering sympathy and advice. “You know”- his colleague said - “You just kind of forget that this guy is actually in constant pain!”
They say that War brings out the worst, and the best, in people. Peter’s courage and cheerfulness stand out in stark contrast to the cowardice and savagery of the thugs who shattered his life. But at least he can now get a good night’s sleep again, through Hypnotherapy. It was a privilege indeed to be able to help such a man.
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Free Speech at last!
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
A client came to see me recently, with a chronic stammering problem. He stammered continuously in every conversation. As far as he could remember, he had always had this problem. Fortunately he was still able to run a successful business – thanks to e-mail.
It was quite difficult for him to explain all this to me, because of the speech impediment. He said it was just not possible for him to talk – without a stammer. Then I had an idea. I told him I would leave the room for five minutes. But while I was away out of the room, I asked him to read out loud, continuously, until I came back. He agreed. He was astonished to discover that he actually could talk totally without a stammer!
Of course, once I returned to the room – his stammer immediately kicked back in! As soon as he knew that another member of the human race was in the room, he could not stop stammering. Knowing that you have an audience (of one or more people), is a precondition for this condition.
For some sufferers, the problem gets worse in certain situations – like talking to the boss. For others, it just happens in every social situation.
Another odd aspect is that many stammerers can be totally stammer-free when they sing - or when they speak a foreign language – or when they shout – or when they swear!
How does Stammering get started?
Well, every case is different. Some people can inherit a genetic tendency towards stammering. And boys are twice as likely to develop the condition, as girls. For most sufferers, it starts in childhood. Sometimes a shock or traumatic event can trigger it. In other cases, it can develop slowly like a nervous habit. A child can be so excited, and thinking so fast, that the words simply can't come fast enough! A left-handed child (who is forced to use his right hand instead) can end up with a stammering problem! And once the habit kicks in, it can make the child become very self conscious. And this, in turn, makes the problem worse. The child starts expecting it to happen. And it does!
Fortunately, most youngsters outgrow the problem. But for others, the stammering response gets stuck - blighting their adult lives.
Managing this problem ...
To the world at large, Stammering can seem like an irritating inconvenience. But they have no idea what it’s like, inside the stammerer’s head. The stammerer has to spend enormous amounts of brain power – simply trying to manage the problem – planning sentences way ahead (to avoid particular problem words / consonants / vowels) – reconstructing sentences in new (hopefully stammer-free) ways.
For most people, speech is a natural, automatic, flowing process. It occurs outside normal conscious awareness – like breathing itself.
For the stammerer however, speech can be more like ploughing through a muddy minefield!
When you stammer, it is very difficult to pay attention to the actual content of what you’re trying to say. It’s also difficult to pay attention to your listener – and to modify and adjust your message accordingly. In other words, it sabotages your ability to communicate. And of course, communication is the central activity for Humans. It can hold you back in so many of life’s experiences – your career, your social life, your romantic life.
Inevitably, for some sufferers, they take the ultimate solution by avoiding social interaction whenever possible.
So what happens when we speak?
Let’s take a very simple example ...
You’re out walking with a friend, on a nice Summer evening. You notice the sunset colours in the sky. That triggers a good feeling. Then, deep within the unconscious recesses of your brain, the urge to express your feelings kicks in. Again (still at an unconscious level) the sentence forms – “Look at that beautiful sunset!” Then (again automatically) signals get sent instantaneously from your brain – via your neurological signalling system to your mouth (breathing system, tongue etc). Then automatically, out pops the end sentence – “Look at that beautiful sunset!”
All of this happens at high speed – and largely outside conscious awareness.
I refer to this complex system as your brain’s “Speech Production Department”. When you develop a Stammer, it’s as if someone has thrown a spanner into this extremely complex system. So like an engine, it automatically misfires every time.
What about Treatment?
Speech Therapy (in one form or another) is the approach recommended by most doctors or speech therapists. This involves a series of speech and breathing exercises, over a long period of time. The idea is to try to control or “re-train” the automatic speech patterns. It takes a lot of hard work – for both the therapist and the client. And it can be successful for some people. But alas, for many others, it simply does not work. It is just so difficult to control these automatic speech patterns. They operate at high speed, outside normal conscious awareness.
Speech Therapy focuses on the “output” aspect of speech. It largely ignores the underlying brain processes. And why? Well simply because the brain is still largely a “mystery” area. No psychologist or neurologist has the actual blueprint. And that applies also to the “Speech Production Department” within the brain itself.
So how can Hypnotherapy help?
One of the beauties of Hypnotherapy is that it enables you to communicate directly with your Unconscious Mind. And that’s where the real action is! The thing is, that you already know how to speak freely and fluently. Because sometimes you actually do! This knowledge / process (software?) is already in there somewhere. Right now it’s just not working properly.
Through Hypnotherapy, you can “re-programme” or “re-awaken” your Speech Production Department – to get it working freely once again.
A funny stammering story!
Many years ago, one of my earliest clients was so delighted to be stammer-free at last, that he went on a radio talk show to tell the world about it. At the time he told this story ...
As a young boy up to age of 9, he could not speak at all! He went to school. He could understand the speech of others. He could follow his lessons. He could read and write.
He was on his class football team. One day, in the middle of a game, he made a bad mistake. His teacher (a burly Irish Christian Brother) let a roar out of him. He charged at the young boy and chased him across the field. He had him pinned up against a fence. He reached back with his fist to wallop the terrified boy. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the boy uttered his first spoken words – “F-f-fuck off!” With that, the Brother’s face lit up with a big smile. He said – “I always knew you could shpeak boy! I always knew you could shpeak!”
From then on the youngster could speak, but with a stammer. Then later as a young man he was able to free himself finally from this affliction.
So apparently, even “Shock Therapy” can sometimes cure a speech impediment! Now don't get me wrong! I’m not recommending that every young stammerer should sign up for the rigours of a traditional Christian Brothers education!
Copyright - Larry McMahon. All rights reserved - but feel free to copy this article, post it, quote it, think about it and forward it on to others. The only requirement is including the following footer with it...
Article by LarryMcMahon. Visit www.larrymcmahon.com for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included.
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Hypnotherapy for Fibromyalgia
- Larry McMahon
Originally published in "Decision" magazine.
As a child, you learn early on about pain. The nearer you move your hand towards the open fire, the more painful it gets. So you pull your hand back. Pain is actually good for you. It acts like a warning signal. It tells you that something is wrong. But sometimes this Pain/Warning signaling system can go haywire. That’s when you know you may have Fibromyalgia.
What is Fibromyalgia?
Well first of all, it’s what I call a “mystery illness” – inasmuch as the medical profession generally have neither an explanation nor a cure for it. Sufferers experience extreme pain in the muscles and joints, along with extreme exhaustion and other symptoms. Sometimes the pain can move around to different parts of the body. But the baffling thing is, that when tests, scans or x-rays are taken, nothing shows up!
Because of this lack of physical evidence, some doctors deny the existence of the illness or claim it is “all in the mind”. Other doctors admit that the illness is real. But unfortunately they can offer no cure. None of this is much help to people who may have been suffering for years from this debilitating disorder.
Michael Kelly’s Insight.
Some years back, Dublin consultant rheumatologist, the late Dr Michael Kelly caused quite a stir with a new theory about Fibromyalgia. Having worked with patients for many years, Kelly began to notice certain personality connections.
He observed that people who might be described as easy-going and laid-back, almost never get Fibromyalgia. Instead, Dr Kelly argues, very persuasively, that people with Fibromyalgia tend to have intense, perfectionist personalities, with very high standards and little ability to delegate. They also tend to be very harsh critics of their own performance. They take on too much, not just physically, but also emotionally - carrying the psychological burdens of others as well as the physical ones. As a result of all the stress they are under, the neurological pain-signaling system becomes hyper-sensitive. It starts to amplify the pain signals as they register in the brain. It is almost as if the whole neurological pain-signaling system goes on high alert – hence Fibromyalgia!
It has to be said that other rheumatologists disputed Kelly’s theory – because he had no factual, scientific evidence to back up his theory. And some Fibromyalgia sufferers took umbrage as well. They seemed to object to the notion that there might possibly be “something not quite right” in their personality! Even though most doctors agree that the majority of physical disorders that present, have a mental component of some sort.
A Bell rang !
Yes – Dr Kelly’s theory certainly rang a bell with me. It gelled with my own experience as a hypnotherapist, working with Fibromyalgia sufferers over the years. What I noticed was, that in every single case I have dealt with, the Fibromyalgia condition was triggered by Stress. This Stress can be mental and/or physical. For example, following a traumatic accident.
Just think back to when your Fibromyalgia pains started originally. What was going on in your life, in the previous year or so, back then? Any major stress, anxiety or traumatic event?
So yes – Fibromyalgia is a psycho-somatic condition. The physical pain is all too real of course. But the underlying cause is psychological (or physical) stress of one kind or the other. Once my clients can acknowledge this reality, healing becomes possible.
How Hypnotherapy works.
Used creatively and with skill, Hypnotherapy can work on two fronts. First the Unconscious Mind can be “re-programmed” so that the stress is no longer experienced or perceived – and thus literally disappears. So now the Fibromyalgia has nothing to feed off, so to speak.
Second (now that there is no longer any reason for it to be there) through gentle suggestion, the Unconscious can be persuaded to literally switch off the Fibromyalgia. The "Neurological Pain-Signaling System" can be persuaded to come off its high alert state. It thus cools down to a normal level of sensitivity.
Bear in mind that any illness which can switch on by itself, can also switch off! And in my own experience, the very best way to trigger this "switch-off" process, is Hypnotherapy.
Copyright © Larry McMahon. All rights reserved - but feel free to copy this article, post it, quote it, think about it and forward it on to others. The only requirement is including the following footer with it...
Article by Larry McMahon. Visit www.larrymcmahon.com for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included.
But do you suffer from Fibromyalgia ? Would you like to learn how Hypnotherapy can help ? Then just click here to learn more.
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